TOM - We should tell people who we are and what we do.

DICK - Nah!  Fuck ‘em.

TOM - No we should Dick.

DICK - OK.  Well we’re cartoon superheroes and investigators working for the Clueless Collective which you can find here.  That’s what we do for our day job and hanging around bogs is our hobby.

TOM - You know you said hanging around bogs is our hobby, well I don’t think that sounds quite right.

DICK - You worry too much.

TOM - Besides, socks is my number one hobby and counting is my number two hobby.

DICK - Don’t fucking start with the socks.  That ain’t a hobby, that’s what you bore people into submission with.

TOM - What do you mean?

DICK - You start talking socks and people start to beg to die a slow and painful death rather that listen to your fucking dribble about fucking socks.

TOM - A dirty un-truth.  Anyway they have to follow the submission guidelines.


DICK  It’s good to be back, ain’t it Tom.

TOM  Maybe.

DICK  What do yer mean, maybe?

TOM  Well it ain’t gonna last long if you keep doing the same things.  You’ve gotta change yer ways Dick.

DICK  What did I do?

TOM  Well Cath didn’t lock us in that drawer for no reason.

DICK  I beg to differ.

TOM  No Dick.  When we was over at the Clueless Collective’s office, you spent all yer time looking up Drew’s and Charlotte’s skirts.  That’s not good, Dick.

DICK  That’s exactly why Cath locked us up in that drawer.

TOM  Glad you finally understand the error of yer ways.

DICK  No Tom.  It’s ‘cos I didn’t look up Cath’s skirt she got the ‘ump, but she’s a scary, I just couldn’t face it.  I mean Drew’s got these skimpy little knickers with lacy bits, and Charlotte wears spotty ones.  You know I’m dotty about anything spotty; Minnie Mouse, Hello Kitty, yeah Charlotte’s a right little kitty.  But Cath!.  Cath!  Honest mate, she scares the shit out of me, and can you imagine her kickers?  I bet they’re like bloomers with a password protected gusset.

TOM  Look, we’re back now.  Let’s get it together to get this right.  Here’s the deal.  We’re setting up Gitter, so all you peeps out there can become gits and send us yer thoughts.

DICK  Do you think internet peeps capable of thought?

TOM  We’ll find out.

DICK  Don’t just sit there.  BE GITS. 

TOM  Send yer thoughts, observations, ideas, whatever to:dickandtom@cluelesscollective.co.uk
Put Gitter in the subject line, and keep it at around 200 characters.  This is a genius idea Dick, don’t know how you could have thought of it.

DICK  All them months in the dark, with you.