Wednesday, 25 April 2018

DICK - Tom, I’m pretty pleased with meself ‘cos I just dun a post modern dump although the colour was very 70’s retro brown, I ain’t chatting beige or orange. It was the only period people believed the colour brown was a good idea. These days we just think of as shit. 

TOM - Well dun you.

DICK - I'm as proud as poo-punch.

TOM - I always knew you had it in you.

DICK - Not no more I ain't.

Thursday, 11 January 2018



TOM - What is that smell? Gas?

DICK - He who smelt it, delt it!

TOM - I ain’t playing cards, not now, not with that stink hovering. I can’t breathe.

DICK - No Tom, my little flatuent toon, it means you’re a little fart monster.

TOM - But I didn’t.

DICK - Well you must ‘ave. The saying isn’t just a saying, it’s the law. You wouldn’t want to go to prison and get raped by Mr Big in the shower over a botto burp.

TOM - But nothing came out of my bottom.

DICK - You may think that but it’s because the potency is so great it acted as an anesthesia for yer bottom hole so that you couldn’t feel nothing.

TOM - Or …

DICK - Or what?

TOM - You dunnit.


DICK - Tom, I think it’s time you said hello to my little frying pan.