Saturday, 16 September 2017

DICK – I found this book that’s all full of old fashioned sayings.

TOM – What are sayings and what do they wear?

DICK – Plus fours and a jock strap. You know, things people used to say like: A shit in the hand should have been done behind the bush, or a shit in time saves messy undercrackers.

TOM – Fascinating.

DICK – There’s loads in here:
Poo is thicker than wee.
Caught brown-handed.
Poo the whole nine yards.
More than you can shake a shitty stick at.
Rule of thumb.

TOM – I don’t understand, it’s just talking.

DICK – Well it’s like this, we could say you’re a cunt, or we could say many a mickle mocks a muckle.

TOM – So what’s all that mockle mush about then?

DICK – It means yer a dumb cunt.

TOM – I don’t get it.

DICK – Dumb cunt.