Tuesday, 20 August 2013

TOM - A gnat's like a flying gnu ain't it?

DICK - What you on about now, sock brain.  A gnat ain't nothing like a gnu.

TOM - Is so, smarty pants, 'cos when you get one buzzing buzz buzzing around yer, yer go ‘oh gnoooo’.

DICK - Goooo away.

There Was a Gnat by A. J. Huffman

There was a Gnat

in my toilet.  Just flying around
inside the bowl.  I tried to shoo it out.
Ignored, I flushed nothing, hoping
it would spook.  Finally, I could hold it
no longer, dropped my pants, prayed
it would not fly up my butt, then laughed
at the thought of the poor creatures surprise
when it gets hit with the first drops
of an unexpected golden shower.

A.J. Huffman has published five solo chapbooks and one joint chapbook through various small presses.  Her sixth solo chapbook will be published in October by Writing Knights Press.  She is a Pushcart Prize nominee, and the winner of the 2012 Promise of Light Haiku Contest.  Her poetry, fiction, and haiku have appeared in hundreds of national and international journals, including Labletter, The James Dickey Review, Bone Orchard, EgoPHobia, Kritya, and Offerta Speciale, in which her work appeared in both English and Italian translation.  She is also the founding editor of Kind of a Hurricane Press. www.kindofahurricanepress.com

Thursday, 8 August 2013

DICK - We have another poem from April, ain’t we Tom.

TOM - Yeah, but would you wanna read this when yer having yer tea?

DICK - Give up Tom, would yer?

TOM - Maybe.  I read it yesterday when we was having those squidgey pasta type things in that cheesy tomato sauce.  Nothing untowards happened.  Me dinner didn’t exxplode.  Saucepans didn’t fly about the room.  No knives misbehaved.  My chair did catch on fire though.  I’m pretty certain that was nothing to do with April, or her poem, but something to do with you and that can of petrol and box of matches.

DICK - Yeah, that were fun.  You should have seen yer little glowing face.  You loved it!

TOM - It were funny.

DICK - Anyway, you put April’s poem on our blog, ‘cos I’m off to our bog to have a read.

Blood Pools by April Salzano

in the rectum, causing hemorrhoids in men
who sit on the toilet too long, hiding
from their families, barking children,
whining wives. Reading magazines
and books to pass the time pretending
to shit, they become pathological
(the men and the vascular structures
themselves). If thrombosed, they can
become very irritating, causing itching,
sometimes bleeding. The prognosis
is good—removal, though surgical,
is relatively simple. You just cut them off.