Wednesday, 13 March 2013

JONJON72  - Why won't my posters stick to my bedroom walls?  I used big fuck off bogies!



DICK - Bogies aren't the best bodily fluidy stuff for that kind of thing.


TOM - They do taste good though, don't they.


DICK - Mine is more yummy than yours, Tom.


TOM - For our tea, do you fancy some bogie and toe jam sandwiches?


DICK - Don't mind if I do, Tom.  Don't mind at all.  I'll pick us some fresh 'uns.

Friday, 8 March 2013

Lopsided Lucy is our first GIT

LOPSIDED LUCY - Woke up with a badgers head in my vag!

TOM REPLIED

TOM - Lucy, I don't think letting badgers raid yer vegetable patch is a good idea.

DICK REPLIED

DICK - You really are a brain damaged numpty, ain't yer Tom.  Does anyone wanna buy a brain damaged Tom - PLEASE - will thow in his sock collection and counting books.

Monday, 4 March 2013

GITTER



DICK  It’s good to be back, ain’t it Tom.

TOM  Maybe.

DICK  What do yer mean, maybe?

TOM  Well it ain’t gonna last long if you keep doing the same things.  You’ve gotta change yer ways Dick.

DICK  What did I do?

TOM  Well Cath didn’t lock us in that drawer for no reason.

DICK  I beg to differ.

TOM  No Dick.  When we was over at the Clueless Collective’s office, you spent all yer time looking up Drew’s and Charlotte’s skirts.  That’s not good, Dick.

DICK  That’s exactly why Cath locked us up in that drawer.

TOM  Glad you finally understand the error of yer ways.

DICK  No Tom.  It’s ‘cos I didn’t look up Cath’s skirt she got the ‘ump, but she’s a scary, I just couldn’t face it.  I mean Drew’s got these skimpy little knickers with lacy bits, and Charlotte wears spotty ones.  You know I’m dotty about anything spotty; Minnie Mouse, Hello Kitty, yeah Charlotte’s a right little kitty.  But Cath!.  Cath!  Honest mate, she scares the shit out of me, and can you imagine her kickers?  I bet they’re like bloomers with a password protected gusset.

TOM  Look, we’re back now.  Let’s get it together to get this right.  Here’s the deal.  We’re setting up Gitter, so all you peeps out there can become gits and send us yer thoughts.

DICK  Do you think internet peeps capable of thought?

TOM  We’ll find out.

DICK  Don’t just sit there.  BE GITS. 

TOM  Send yer thoughts, observations, ideas, whatever to: dickandtom@cluelesscollective.co.uk
Put Gitter in the subject line, and keep it at around 200 characters.  This is a genius idea Dick, don’t know how you could have thought of it.

DICK  All them months in the dark, with you.